2004 must go away now....

Year in review….

New year 2005

The life within.. JUST TO SAVE YOUR SELF

“You’ll stay, you will never leave me that what you always say…

Now where are you? Saving your self..”

All right, the New Year begun not-so-happy for me. Definitely because I am missing the “old” same me, I just read my old monitors about what happened to me last years and I compared it. Yearly it was different from each other. Those are just précis of my life during December 31^st. Anyway I am missing the simbang gabi, the seminary life, and someone (someone who turned her back on me when I got here) generally 2004 was filled with luck on me, full of God’s blessings thou hard feelings and scenario comes my way. My 1^st 4 months of 04 was extremely happy. I met new friends in different schools. I felt that I am complete because there was a constant love when we talked about opposite sex. I really make the best out of it since I knew that I was leaving then. It was full of achievements too when it comes to academics. I am missing the seminary life that taught me how to face life and to overcome weaknesses, after the 4 months wherein I am at the peak of success I went here, with no other reason but to face my life, and to changed my life. I had no idea and I had no experience. It was really a struggle for me socially and morally. Culture shock slaps me on my face. I became disable a handicap inside for that matter. I am half the world from my home. I was not happy thou up to now. People leave me one by one. My, only one leaves me with out saying anything and finds someone, a somebody that could be with her on times she needs one. Shame on me! I leaved people behind just because I want to change my difficult life, to persevere and grasp my dreams. However, it was not just for me…. It was also because of you. Now it was all history. I was misunderstood at my work one time; I was misinterpreting by my substitute “one”. Heart was broken I was lying here realizing this is what I get when I misdirect my self.

I fell and I fell again. I want to be busy, I want to be noisy, and I don’t want to be alone. When I am alone I remembered what I got and those I lost, I feel empty then. I took the Navy exams (asvab) with out even knowing arduous words and other math operations. I took the preliminary, I passed it, but it was different the way I used to pass exams. I planned of backing off the final board exams. Nevertheless, I realized I need a changed right now. I am going nowhere, a lost tiger at a downtown. I passed it the way I passed the preliminary now it is time for me to qualify my self. CHEAT! WHITE LIES! I am wrong to say this but this is what it is. These are essential to gain unimaginable. They threaten me; scares me… put to room alone and asked me questions that I knew that it would be the reason to discharge me. They harassed me mentally and I harassed my brain to say what I don’t supposed to say. To feel no fear, it was a battle of intellects thru lies and stability of the organization. The 2-day brain tiring activity was over. I choose which field I am qualified and which I wanted. Ha? That’s it? Damn a good one. One leap ahead thou still fallen. Someone comes and join me for a while, while journeying my clumsy life. A friend, co-worker, and a loved one. Weather changed and people do. Why would I stay with you when I was not happy? When I was not satisfied? The person left me, alone. It was not that hard for me coz friend was all we were and think that what we were doing was all rhetorical. A purpose would always be a purpose. The purpose was over. I think we help each other to overcome what we really want to surpass. However, in a matter that she comes to the finish line first. Good luck to you and thank you very much for being there for me even for a while. Now I am between of dilemma. I am happy at McDonalds serving fries and burgers: The all-Filipino crew, the native dialect language and Filipino customers. Although, I am accepted at starbucks, higher starting pay and more opportunity. I was the star for the night then at least. Coincides with my new job I passed the Navy board exam. I am now an E-2 after booth camp. I don’t go to McDonalds for now but I would be going there as a part time when our store was already built. Things going on my way little by little, now I am establishing my self socially in the Philippines. I am kinda weird coz it was hella far but this is what I wanted to do. To go back there and I just want to make sure that I would be going there to do something, with a purpose. Ahh I don’t know but I got a lot of friends in distance, some are from other states, probably because I would be traveling a lot in the future. I am now happy thou I haven’t a constant person in my mind and eventually in other peoples life, excluding my parents in which I learned that would be leaving again. I would be alone again; probably this would be my life for now. I have to accept it or otherwise I wouldn’t recognize God’s blessings. I’ am very thankful God for this wonderful year; I hope you will give me the strength to face this new year. I know it would be harder and would be more difficult. Now that I am in stage of transforming in to an independent individual please guide me and make me rational when it comes to temptation. Please help me God…

You’ll stay, you will never leave me that what you always say…

Now where are you? Saving your self..