Let your voice be HEARD… URGENT, speak up to enlighten our selves.

Let your voice be HEARD… URGENT, speak up to enlighten our selves.

The People’s description here about the seminary is a REHABILITATION CENTER for those who doesn’t understand what is the difference between GOOD and BAD. HELL NO!!! …. That makes me pissed-off. How they can say that, they don’t even know how we lived life there.

The people’s descriptions here about seminarians and sacristan are people who STOOP in front of a priest, a mediator of priest to self-pleasure and temporary satisfaction.

PRIEST/SEMINARIANS/SACRISTANS are all human being. They make mistakes diminutive or else immense. Nevertheless, do not generalize…

The people’s description here about the Roman Catholic is a church who worships figures etc. a CULT who practices a NON-BIBLICAL RITUALS.

Probably they are true in a way. But for the sake of others who believed, learn to respect. The Catholic Church is here to help the poor and the needy. Why be against them? Ask, did you ever help poor and the needy?

2004 must go away now....

Year in review….

New year 2005

The life within.. JUST TO SAVE YOUR SELF

“You’ll stay, you will never leave me that what you always say…

Now where are you? Saving your self..”

All right, the New Year begun not-so-happy for me. Definitely because I am missing the “old” same me, I just read my old monitors about what happened to me last years and I compared it. Yearly it was different from each other. Those are just précis of my life during December 31^st. Anyway I am missing the simbang gabi, the seminary life, and someone (someone who turned her back on me when I got here) generally 2004 was filled with luck on me, full of God’s blessings thou hard feelings and scenario comes my way. My 1^st 4 months of 04 was extremely happy. I met new friends in different schools. I felt that I am complete because there was a constant love when we talked about opposite sex. I really make the best out of it since I knew that I was leaving then. It was full of achievements too when it comes to academics. I am missing the seminary life that taught me how to face life and to overcome weaknesses, after the 4 months wherein I am at the peak of success I went here, with no other reason but to face my life, and to changed my life. I had no idea and I had no experience. It was really a struggle for me socially and morally. Culture shock slaps me on my face. I became disable a handicap inside for that matter. I am half the world from my home. I was not happy thou up to now. People leave me one by one. My, only one leaves me with out saying anything and finds someone, a somebody that could be with her on times she needs one. Shame on me! I leaved people behind just because I want to change my difficult life, to persevere and grasp my dreams. However, it was not just for me…. It was also because of you. Now it was all history. I was misunderstood at my work one time; I was misinterpreting by my substitute “one”. Heart was broken I was lying here realizing this is what I get when I misdirect my self.

I fell and I fell again. I want to be busy, I want to be noisy, and I don’t want to be alone. When I am alone I remembered what I got and those I lost, I feel empty then. I took the Navy exams (asvab) with out even knowing arduous words and other math operations. I took the preliminary, I passed it, but it was different the way I used to pass exams. I planned of backing off the final board exams. Nevertheless, I realized I need a changed right now. I am going nowhere, a lost tiger at a downtown. I passed it the way I passed the preliminary now it is time for me to qualify my self. CHEAT! WHITE LIES! I am wrong to say this but this is what it is. These are essential to gain unimaginable. They threaten me; scares me… put to room alone and asked me questions that I knew that it would be the reason to discharge me. They harassed me mentally and I harassed my brain to say what I don’t supposed to say. To feel no fear, it was a battle of intellects thru lies and stability of the organization. The 2-day brain tiring activity was over. I choose which field I am qualified and which I wanted. Ha? That’s it? Damn a good one. One leap ahead thou still fallen. Someone comes and join me for a while, while journeying my clumsy life. A friend, co-worker, and a loved one. Weather changed and people do. Why would I stay with you when I was not happy? When I was not satisfied? The person left me, alone. It was not that hard for me coz friend was all we were and think that what we were doing was all rhetorical. A purpose would always be a purpose. The purpose was over. I think we help each other to overcome what we really want to surpass. However, in a matter that she comes to the finish line first. Good luck to you and thank you very much for being there for me even for a while. Now I am between of dilemma. I am happy at McDonalds serving fries and burgers: The all-Filipino crew, the native dialect language and Filipino customers. Although, I am accepted at starbucks, higher starting pay and more opportunity. I was the star for the night then at least. Coincides with my new job I passed the Navy board exam. I am now an E-2 after booth camp. I don’t go to McDonalds for now but I would be going there as a part time when our store was already built. Things going on my way little by little, now I am establishing my self socially in the Philippines. I am kinda weird coz it was hella far but this is what I wanted to do. To go back there and I just want to make sure that I would be going there to do something, with a purpose. Ahh I don’t know but I got a lot of friends in distance, some are from other states, probably because I would be traveling a lot in the future. I am now happy thou I haven’t a constant person in my mind and eventually in other peoples life, excluding my parents in which I learned that would be leaving again. I would be alone again; probably this would be my life for now. I have to accept it or otherwise I wouldn’t recognize God’s blessings. I’ am very thankful God for this wonderful year; I hope you will give me the strength to face this new year. I know it would be harder and would be more difficult. Now that I am in stage of transforming in to an independent individual please guide me and make me rational when it comes to temptation. Please help me God…

You’ll stay, you will never leave me that what you always say…

Now where are you? Saving your self..

Précis: last years to date

Tomorrow is a different day

“If it were not your day… it would be tomorrow”

The date: December 31, the day before New Year starts... the last day of a painful yet blissful year.

December 31, 2000

1^st year High school at MAS

Sunday:

“hay bagong taon nanaman pero la pa ding pagbabago. Gusto ko na talagang lumabas ng seminaryo. Namimiss ko na ung S.m.B. eh, syempre pag smb pati si loiselle. Buti na lang at asa seminary din si Jeff, Steven,eric at Erwin. Masaya naman na sa klase kahit ayon magkakaway kami esp. si emman naku malakas lang sa pari yan kaya mayabang eh aba ipatitira ko sa SCB yan eh, tingnan lang natin. Kakiniz naman si mama ang daming niluluto eh paputok lang walang pambili…. Manood na lang ako ng tv”

December 31, 2001

2^nd year high school at MAS

Monday:

“Stay at home, watching T.V. the whole day. Basketball at my room na maliit na nga di ko pa malinis, eto naguubos ng oras kasusulat about kung ano ang nangyayari. Nung hapon ay nanood ng cartoons sa channel 2. si cherry naman ay pumunta kila ate Bebe to practice a dance num. na ipeperform nila sa jan. 6^th para sa reunion ng mga David, di nga ako makakasama eh dahil asa seminary na ako noon. Pabalik balik sa tindahan para bumili ng mga pansahog sa niluluto ni mama. Watch tv sinubaybayan ang survey song of the year. This is the last day of M2M being the artisit of the month sa 97.2 L.S.F.M. nakatulog at nagising ng 11:30 hay ang ingay na kaya.. kain at nanonood ng countdown sa channel 7. tulugan na ulit. 2002 na, I called Gladie… ayon love pa din daw niya si Jeff naks talaga tapos katext ko si Jen nag happy new year lang. madami nagtext di namn ako nagtext back nakay papa ung cellphone eh yaw ako pahiramin.

December 31,2002

3^rd year High school at MAs

Tuesday:

Maagang nagising. Very thankful this day. Txt ko si steven at kila Cedric na lang daw kami magkitakita eh di ko naman ma contact si cedric, buti na lang at jeff replied. I went there at late na ako , pumunta kami kila cedric pero tulog pa!! ang tino talagang kausap nag lalaki na to. 10:30 A.M. na. pumunta kami kila Steven. Doon na din kami nag lunch. Join daw si jayjay in serving at Simbang gabi new year edition hehehe.. me and jeff went to their place to pick up our polo. Dumiretso na sa seminaryo at doon sa room ni Fr. Jetts nagkumpulan. Maymaya ay dumating na si Jerome para magserve din. Ako si cedric and Jericho ay kay fr. Elmer sasama while the others ay kay fr.jetts na. hay! Kakainiz wla na ang lahat ay di pa kami sinusundo. 6 na kami nasundo and went to Cabubangan. The gospel was about pagbubulaybulay. Mag-isip at magdasal. After nun ay sa Lourdes na kami sa aking munting barangay. Kakahiya naman iniintroduce pa ako hmmm palakpakan naman mga girls hehe… nakakahiya magserve doon pero ok lang. si steven naman ay may sore eyes pa damn naging comedy ang lahat. Masaya ang araw na ito kahit malungkot talaga ako dahil nga sa nangyari sa akin. Ilang days pa lang yoon 1^st time ko kase eh… pumunta kami saamin para kumain muna with them. Si cedric tawa ng tawa nabbaliw na ata. Madami nagtext sa akin. Oldfriends, and new friends but si anne ni isang paramdam ay wala… ouchhh! Tama na ! pagalis nila ay dumeretso na ako sa room ko. I called nika at buti pa siya andyan saakin. Kaya mahal ko to eh {tekateka.. di ko na pwedeng itype yung iba pang nakasulat noh!} From now on ay I will try to get over my weaknesses.. thank you God

Oo nga pla binigya sa akin to ni emman kanina (mini diary)

December 31, 2003

4^th year high school MAS

nung maga ay katext ko si Sylvester about sa simbang gabi. I prepared my clothes na gagamitin sa pagseserve. Late na ako sa usapan eh 10 am ang usapan ay 11:30 na ako nakarating sa seminary eh sa walang tricycle eh ano magagawa ko di ba? Pumuta kami sa Pacific sa Worlds of fun nag archade lang.. lunch ay inilibre ako ni Sylvester, hay bumili pa siya ng gift niya kay Abbey naku inlove ata. Nagpagupit ako hay ang iksi na nang hair ko ngayon. Bumalik sa seminary and andoon na si steven. We went sa sta.Rosa to give the gift of vester pero ala naman si Abbey sa kanila. Bumalik sa pacific la lang andoon sila Jasper and others. I saw Loiselle din. At 4 ay bumalik na kami sa seminary at nag prepared. Ibinigay na sa amin ni Fr. Aldrin an gaming aguinaldo. Hehehe… kasama namin si John Robinson sa pagseserve. 1^st mass ay sa nyugan. I gave communion kase wala kaming kasamang major seminarian. Eh ako pinakabata kaya ayun.. after that ay 1 hour break. We ate at Sylvesters place. Daming fudamz talaga.. din a kasya. After that ay sa Niyugan kami nag last mass. New year na. hinatid ako sa bahay at ayun masaya nman . ka tetxt ko si Precious ayun medyo paparamdam ako, medyo lang naman mizz ko na talaga ito. Katext ko din si nika for awhile..

Walang tulugan kami ngayon ni Pards ( Ma. Eden) heheh sympre talo ako eh din nman natutulog to eh. Bukas nga may lakad pa kami… hay thanks God its new year.

December 31, 2004

Interim starbucks partner/U.S. Navy DEP status

Eto ok lang. nagiisip lang ng kung ano ang magawa. Wala si mama and others nag casino ata, di nananan ako sinama. Kaninang maga medyo masama ang loob kila ma at pa kase aalis nanaman daw sila. Damn I would be alone again pero ganito na ako since I came here kaya tangapin ko na lang. naiiniz ako kase ayos na lahat tapos magugulo nanaman.

Hay.. ayon masaya dahil ung ibang taga pinas ay nagparamdam saakin. Nagtext lang ako sa kanila. Remembering how happy my last newyear specially January 2 …