--- This what i earned on my shoulder---

soon i'll be going to war..
otherwise stay in a hospital.
30 days from now, i will be at the front of somebody else's face.
shouting at me. Fuck.. FMSS is near
im not ready.. and i would not be.
what can i do?
all i know.
i have something on my leftshoulder.
it means alot, thou i know.. i dont deserve it yet.
i didn't save somebody's life!
still i wear it.
i wear it like i am one of them, pretending. imagining. believing.
in spite of all motivation.
i am afraid.
afraid to leave this imperfect world.